Summer I can feel you...

Yesterday I went running outside for the first time in ages.  My off and on workouts over the years have usually been on a treadmill in an air-conditioned gym.  It felt good to have cool Alaskan spring wind hitting my face.  I didn't sweat because frankly I was cold, but it made me feel alive to breath fresh air.  Winters here are brutal.  For the obvious reasons of course, but also because air quality suffers.  A parking lot in December is toxic and makes me hold my breath for all the idling SUVs.  But man did that air feel and smell and taste good yesterday.  Breakup is in full swing, and the side of the road is a river of months long trash and grimy water.  I can feel it in my bones....it won't be long now.  The sun is already strong and long and feels so good on my ghostly skin.  I feel like I really deserve this summer.  It was such a long winter.  Our first real winter experience here in Alaska and with a new baby in tow makes for very long, dark days.  Manuel has never worked and schooled so much before and you could definitely say that I felt alone.  But it was also a defining few months for me.  All the down time napping with Ian in our king sized bed... reading and thinking.... Really has transformed me.

Not only am I ready to seize this summer but I feel ready to seize life.  Shortly after Ian's birth I finally felt ready to make changes that have been years in the making.  It is a process for sure, but January 2011 was one of those defining times - a moment of such clarity and inspiration and nervousness all at the same time.  How fast our son seems to be growing out of our grasp already!  And birth is inevitably transforming because it makes us aware of our own mortality.  His hands grow bigger and more mature every day while mine juxtaposed seem so wrinkled and worn.  I am coming full circle here at the close of my twenties.  I realize that  I have but one life to live and I better make it joyful and vibrant.  This has translated over the months to terms of health and intention, not necessarily in financial ambition or education or "accomplishments."  I once had a dream to "teach," but now I am realizing that our greatest teacher is life itself.  I now want to spend my days teaching my son how to live and love, and for me that is done by his side.

As for the specifics of our new lives we are on a mission to cleanse our bodies.  We are slowly bringing only whole, real food into our home.  We started with a pantry cleanse and realized just how much junk we had in our cabinets.  Now if what we purchase even has a label on it then it must contain few ingredients that are recognizable.  If you've ever gone down a similar road then you realize how life-changing that alone can be!  Our next step was the commitment to cleanse all non-edible toxins.  This really started last year with our commitment to cloth diapers but has expanded to everything else... from toothpaste to cleaning products.  It hasn't been easy, and we have a long way to go but it seems so worth it.  I've heard more than once that natural living is more expensive when it comes to organic produce and natural hygiene products.  That is absolutely true, but by making that commitment you are then forced to compromise on other things.  Local, grass-fed meat is definitely more expensive but isn't the point that Americans eat way too much anyway?  So our solution is to eat considerably less:  problem solved!

Perhaps even more importantly is the bottom line that you can't put a price tag on your health.  The modern "healthcare" system would disagree, but it's true.  You only get one shot at living and everything that we ingest and put on our bodies affects us.  I use to roll my eyes at the endless "Don't do ________. It causes cancer!" I didn't even stop rolling my eyes when I lost my own mother to cancer.  I really didn't stop rolling my eyes until I had Ian.  Then it all made sense.  Just because something is on the shelf in the grocery store or Walmart doesn't mean it's safe.  How often do we hear of drugs being pulled from the market because they literally kill people?  And that speaks nothing to the overall accumulation of toxins over a lifetime.  I guess I could go on for days about any number of things - the cancer industry, our "sick care," factory farms, sweat shop clothes, flouridated water, peak oil, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, blood diamonds, rampant consumerism..... on and on and on.  It is overwhelming.

We are doing our part.  I am waking up and taking the blinders off.  The "man" does exist.  He is our complacence.  Our inability to slow down and live with intention and awareness.  I will believe that we are at a turning point...that others are waking up.

I will go outside and feel the coming of summer.  I will breathe fresh air and be grateful for it.  I will recognize the good that is happening.

"Life is not merely being alive, but being well."

Marcus Valerius Martialis