Often listening to other people is such an eye opening thing. We never get to hear how crazy self-centered and negative we really sound until it comes from someone else's mouth. The last few days have afforded me several of these moments to reflect on how I want my words and actions to lift others up. I can easily put people in a beautiful place or a dark one.
So... we're walking in Fred Meyer and there appears around the corner a previous co-worker. This person had never met our son, and we were of course excited to show him off. The usual lines were said, and then this person turned to me and said, "Alison, you look tired.... but I guess that's what happens when you have a new baby."
Now, this person probably didn't go to etiquette school and certainly didn't mean any offense by the comment. It wasn't really a horrible thing to say, and I wasn't necessarily hurt by the comment either. On the other hand, it did remind me yet again of the giant, now permanent bags under my eyes. Ironically, I sleep very well these days. I get plenty of it. Ian sleeps with us and for the most part sleeps well. He does wake up to nurse but I am hardly conscious when this happens, and we all go quickly back to sleep. Being "tired" is the last thing I would describe myself as.
I thought about the comment all day, much like I do when a less than positive remark comes my way. Pregnant women are especially prone to sensitivity, and I got a few doozies last year. However, instead of feeling sorry for myself and my dark circles, I thought of what a better comment would be, "Alison, you look great and have shed those pounds beautifully!" I have in fact lost 30 pounds since this time last year. What a great way to absolutely make someone's day and turn small talk into something positive.
Again yesterday I had a similar experience. Manuel's science department had a cookout for students... and apparently for random tourists that wandered down from the museum. A friend that was working the event said they grilled up 300 burgers and 150 hot dogs all in the space of about an hour. We were toward the end of the line, and the grill line wasn't working as fast as the condiment/sides line. Admittedly, the system in place for feeding this large number of people was not very logical. And when some people scored burgers before others who had been waiting longer mayhem ensued. I heard profanities. I heard raised voices. I heard condescension. All directed toward the three people feeding a mass of hungry students, professors and free-loaders. Seriously?? This was a FREE picnic. Food for FREE. Food you don't have to cook yourself or clean up after. My God what is wrong with people??
Ok breathe....
So I say all that to say this. Instead of complaining about what isn't going right, say something nice. Try just for once to frame your words positively.
I can give one more story to illustrate this beautifully.
Standing in the checkout line on that same Fred Meyer trip I noticed a young couple and child behind us. I didn't get the whole scene but I assume the child dropped a piece of candy or whatever she was eating and started to cry. All I heard from her father was this..."I'm sorry it's gone but be grateful for what you have. It's important to be happy about the things we do have than to cry about what we've lost."
Well said Dad. I'm doing my part. How are you framing your day?
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| This is what I had to be thankful for. |
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